12.
“I’ve gone no-contact with my father twice. The first time was right after he and my mom divorced. He lived near my brother and was actually pretty involved in my brother’s kid’s lives, but after the divorce, he sent a letter to my brother letting him know that he would not be a grandpa anymore, that this time was about him (it’s always been about him), and that he was going to focus on himself. This broke my niece’s and nephew’s hearts. My own children were very young at the time, and they didn’t really know him, so I decided I wouldn’t let this man hurt my children. About eight years later, my oldest daughter started asking about him. I told her I didn’t have a relationship with him, but if she wanted one, proceed cautiously.”
“By this time, he was remarried and settling down again, and again had a relationship with all his other grandchildren. But I was determined to let my children decide what relationships they wanted once they were older. So, we had an uneasy reunion, but as far as I could tell, he was being kind to my kids. About two years after that, my brother was getting married. I had been seeing my boyfriend for a year and wanted him to meet my family, including my kids, at the wedding. Well, my narcissistic father walked into the wedding with a huge chip on his shoulder (probably because he wasn’t the center of attention), and when I went to introduce him to my boyfriend, he just walked away. Not a word was said. Even to this day, seven years later, he won’t say a word to my boyfriend at family functions. No one has any idea why, not even my siblings, who still have relationships with my father. My boyfriend is the kindest man I know. So, I went no-contact for the second and final time. He lives in another state now, so I doubt I’ll ever see him again, and I’ve made my peace with that. It’s not easy having a relationship with a narcissist, and you have to cut the toxic people out of your life so you don’t get sucked into it, even when it’s family.”
—47, Colorado
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