It’s great to help family out when you can, but if it’s going to hurt your business, your family shouldn’t expect you to prioritize them.
In today’s story, one sister wants to drop off her baby at her sister’s daycare, but the sister running the daycare explains why that’s not going to work.
Unfortunately, the sisters’ relationship is now possibly beyond repair.
Let’s see how the story escalates…
AITA for not engaging with my sister during my pregnancy?
I (28F) am now 3 months along in my pregnancy. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for many years. My sister (30F) had OFFERED be our surrogate if it’d come down to it. And I would’ve paid every cent of that. We have always had a rocky relationship so the fact that she brought this up meant a lot to me.
Not long after, she had asked for childcare for one of her daughters. She has a 9 year old girl and the youngest girl who would turn 1 in a month. I am a state licensed in home daycare.
I can’t just take up one kid when I have a ratio to maintain. Also, she wanted it to be for free, which I didn’t agree to. It would only be for a week, sure. No problem. But her regular daycare lady had an emergency and couldn’t watch the children for that week.
I couldn’t accommodate that especially if I needed to remove one paying child for another who wouldn’t pay me. It’s not as if she was asking for care outside of my work hours. This is my job.
It turns out her sister was really upset, and it showed during a birthday party.
Anyway. We ended the conversation on a good note and had small conversations after that. I never knew how much this conversation had impacted her until recently.
To point out, we never setup anything official to have her be our surrogate as my husband and I were still going through our infertility testing and dealing with all of that.
A month after that child care conversation was her daughter’s first birthday party. It was 70’s theme and I offered to buy the decorative cookies.
At the party, she never talked to us. Not a hello, not a thank you for the cookies and the gift. She had called people over to take pictures with the baby but never us. Handed the baby off to everyone, not us. She even bought our immediate family matching 70’s outfits, except for us. (Our parents, our brother and his daughter, and then her family which are the two girls and her youngest’s father) all had matching outfits.
Her sister didn’t respond to her texts.
We left there feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed for being left out. I didn’t know what to think but because I’ve dealt with her similar tendencies in the past, I forgot about it. Especially because my husband and I still were focusing on trying to conceive through infertility and I wanted to stay positive and focus on that.
I had messaged her if I could take the girls out to hangout. I was left on read. For the next few weeks I was left on read or just got a short “no”.
If anyone out there is a childless aunt or uncle who adores their little ones, you’d understand how much this hurt.
OP was upset until she got pregnant.
Finally, I was tired of the lack of communication and demanded help as to when I could see them or more than just a “no” again.
She replied “no. It’s just no” and when I tried to call her immediately after, she’d blocked me.
My heart was completely broken. She left me blocked for the next 8 months. I haven’t seen her or the girls in person.
Until, I found out I was pregnant. I was so over the moon. I was so high, no one could touch me. I immediately told everyone. My parents and brother since she still had me blocked.
OP found out why her sister was mad at her.
To my surprise my sister had come to my door that day with congratulatory balloons. I was so confused since we hadn’t talked for 8 months. We barely talked since she’d brought the girls with her and I was playing with them until they left.
Later that day I got a text from an unknown number. It was my sister. She told me the reason she was upset with me was because I wouldn’t watch my niece for free.
She said “why would I be your surrogate when you couldn’t watch your niece”.
I was livid. The reason that I was pushed away from seeing the girls was because she was mad at me. I had seen her use the girls like that before (when our mom made her mad many years ago and she refused to let her see them. And even the eldest from her own father, even though they have a court agreement and he’s allowed to see her) I just never thought she’d do that to me.
OP wonders if she’s wrong for not pushing harder to see her sister and her sister’s kids.
In her text, she explained that she wants to be there for me during my pregnancy. And that she basically couldn’t go on without me knowing the reason for why I was upset even though she had blocked me for 8 months without a reason as to why.
I only responded with an “I didn’t know how much it’d meant to you and I’m sorry for that, but I have a busy and a house to run. I literally can’t afford to take in children for free.” I asked her to understand but once again, she left me on read.
Now that I’m 3 months pregnant, I’m not interested in trying to build a relationship with her or having her involved in the pregnancy. I feel like she “put me in my place” when she kept the children from me. And after countless times of asking to see them, I (very emotional right now me) can’t take another rejection if I asked for them now. I’d rather just keep them all at a healthy distance.
AITA?
It seems like OP’s sister doesn’t respect her business and assumes she should get free childcare when she wants it. Holding a grudge for that seems ridiculous especially when she claims that she wants to be there to help her sister while she’s pregnant.
Let’s see how Reddit reacted…
This reader points out that OP would’ve broken the law if her sister dropped off her child at the daycare.
This reader thinks the sister is to blame.
Another reader thinks the sister is “emotionally immature.”
This person thinks the sister needs to apologize.
If her sister wants to be there for her, she needs to apologize and quit with the drama.
If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.