19.
“When I was 3-4 I had a very abusive babysitter. One of my first memories involves this woman brushing my hair, yanking it, and when I cried out, hitting me with the hairbrush so hard I fell into a night stand and broke it, at which point she literally beat my ass with the hairbrush. Afterwards she drug me to the car, decided to take me and the other kids she was watching to the bank, made me wear a paper bag over my head, and while everyone else got a sucker and ice cream, because I was ‘crying like a baby,’ I got to sit and watch them eat.”
“When I got home, my parents saw the bruising on my butt and legs and freaked the fuck out — like, murder level freak out. They asked what happened and I told them. They called to confront her and she made up some story about how I fell down the stairs and landed on my butt after having a really bad dream, that I had been yelling and crying in my sleep.
My parents didn’t believe her, even though I did and still do have very vivid and often violent dreams, but me being the sensitive kid that I was, I was so afraid they were going to hurt her for what she did, and I was more concerned about her than myself, that I told my parents that must’ve been what happened and I just couldn’t tell the difference between dream and reality.
I know what the fuck happened. I didn’t dream it. I didn’t make it up.
… My parents still don’t know that everything I told them was actually true, because even though I’m in my 30s now, and my parents are early 60s, I know they would still beat the woman to death if they found out she actually did this to me.
… Several years ago I was at the grocery store with my father and she came up chatting, dad reintroduced us and she laughed and smiled and acted like we were best friends. I remember nodding and smiling until dad wandered off before deadpan telling her, I remember everything, and she better think herself lucky I’ve kept my mouth shut all these years, and she needed to leave and stop acting like we were friends. I took great satisfaction watching the color drain from her face before she left.”
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