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We sat together on her bed in silence. I couldn’t believe the excruciating leg pain she was willing to endure just to get high. I knew then I couldn’t help her recover, and I couldn’t insist that she get better just so I could relax. It would be a long, tough journey for her. I tried to think about what she needed to hear from me, what in the world I could possibly say. I tried to imagine what I would want to hear.
When I finally stood up to leave, I didn’t offer my usual pep talk or tell her she had to work harder to stay clean and sober. I stopped trying to be a perfect mother. I stopped trying to control things. I didn’t give her any advice at all. Instead, I held her hand and said six words: “You’re going to get through this.”
While I was in Nashville, my mother suffered a major stroke. Once home, I immediately went to the retirement home to see her. She was lying in bed, paralyzed on one side and only able to utter a word or two. I held her hand and said, “I love you.” She nodded her head. Four days later, she died.
At first, when my mother said, “You’re going to get through this,” I thought she was just talking about my challenges raising a troubled teen. After she died, I realized she also meant I was going to get through losing a mother and all the other struggles that come with being human.
I’ve since tried to give my children the gift of trust — the belief I have in their ability to handle whatever comes up in their lives. Sometimes, I relapse into old patterns of fear. But thanks to my mother, I now have a mantra to practice: You’re going to get through this.
Ann Batchelder is the author of “Craving Spring: A Mother’s Quest, a Daughter’s Depression, and the Greek Myth that Brought Them Together.” She was editor of Fiberarts Magazine, guest curator for major contemporary exhibitions at the Asheville Art Museum, and Director of Special Events for the Brooklyn Academy of Music. Ann lives with her husband in Asheville, North Carolina. Her writing has been featured in several publications and podcasts. For more, visit www.annbatchelder.com.
This article originally appeared on HuffPost.
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