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By far, the most common response from addiction experts and therapists was this: They won’t judge or shame someone who struggles with addiction. It’s just not helpful, nor is it based in truth.
“Addiction, as we know, is a complex disease that affects the brain and behavior, and it requires empathy and understanding to effectively support someone in their recovery journey,” said Ashley Hall, the drug and alcohol director at Singing River Services in Mississippi. “Judging or shaming someone can create feelings of guilt and worthlessness, which can hinder progress and make it more difficult for individuals to seek the help they need.”
Many people who don’t live with addiction believe that the disease is something a person brings upon themselves, and so it’s also something they can simply snap out of. But this is a complete misunderstanding of how addiction works.
If you’ve struggled with addiction and been shamed or judged ― even if it was unintentional ― you’re not alone.
“Historically, people experiencing addiction have been stigmatized, even within the field of medicine and mental health, which can discourage them from seeking treatment and feeling devalued,” said Dr. Ryan Wade, a psychiatrist and director of addiction services at Silver Hill Hospital in Connecticut. “Shame can be dangerous to mental health, so as an addiction professional, I focus on helping patients work through it, not reinforcing it.”
Dr. Arthur Robin Williams ― a double board-certified addiction psychiatrist and chief medical officer at the New York-based Ophelia ― adheres to this no-shame framework by practicing what’s known as motivational interviewing. Essentially, this counseling method centers on strengthening personal motivation for positive change — with compassion.
“MI was developed to try to retrain clinicians to support patients with addiction the same way they might work with patients with other chronic disorders or problems in life: encouragement and inspiration rather than condemnation,” he explained. “In particular, MI emphasizes open-ended questions, affirmations, reflections and summarizations that help elicit change talk among patients.”
It’s worth emphasizing, again, that addiction is a disease, not a choice or a character flaw. Keeping that in mind ― and being aware of the factors that can contribute to addiction ― is another way to build empathy for people struggling with it.
“In every case I have worked with, the addiction is a response to one of two things: a concretely traumatic experience, or an ongoing misalignment between the person and their environment,” said Renée Zavislak, a licensed psychotherapist with extensive experience working with addiction.
Further, if a person is struggling with addiction, you should remember that this isn’t their only trait. Viewing a human being simply as their addiction can lead to feelings of shame, self-consciousness and hopelessness. And defining or describing someone in terms of what they struggle with may make them lose connections to other parts of their personhood that can help them feel whole and recover.
“By labeling those who struggle with addiction as ‘addicts’ and pushing them to surrender to the idea that they are powerless, we only encourage them to over-identify with their trauma and lose contact with their power to heal,” Zavislak said.
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