Finding Myself In The Chaos

Finding Myself In The Chaos

Life has been busy.

I know that everyone says that BUT the past few months have felt like they haven’t really been mine. I am not even sure if that makes sense or if this blog post will even make sense BUT I do know that these words are dying to come out.

Taking a full-time job.

Signing clients.

Designing a brand new planner.

Redesigning my blog planner.

School starting.

Summer fun happening.

Life was full of all these moments and there were some days that disappeared so quickly that things on my to-do list just didn’t get done. Managing my time hasn’t happened successfully and then I get into the cycle of thinking that I shouldn’t be doing certain things because well, there is only one of me.

THE SPARK I NEEDED TO FIND MYSELF AMONG THE CHAOS

I did business photos back in August. I dressed up and felt incredible during the photo shoot. I got the photos back and they were beautiful. The photographer did an incredible job of pushing me out of my comfort zone and taking shots that I never would have thought of and I loved her for that. (Photos done by Lilee Legend Photography in Calgary)

They were incredible and I think captured who I truly am. I sent a few of the photos to my best friend, Jody, so that she could help me get out of my head because WOW was I stuck in there.

I critiqued what I looked like.

I fought back the thoughts of ugliness that I have been fighting for what feels like forever.

I loved the photos but I was so nervous that I was going to be judged.

Judged for my body.

Her words to me were,

Yes, you are being overly ridiculous. #1 You promote self-love. #2 You are a great advocate for loving you for you.

Gotta love a friend that will call you out on your own bullshit and remind you what you are here to do.

I remember the night of the photos because someone walking past gave me a compliment on my outfit. I was laughing as I said thank you because I have NEVER been complimented in my life on something that I decided to wear. At that moment, I felt beautiful, powerful, and unstoppable.

Today all of those left and I felt defeated and unworthy of such beautiful photographs being taken of me.

Until I saw one of the photos. This specific photo is showing the tattoo on my arm more than any other photo that I took. It is a tattoo that I stare at and reflect on often but today it had more meaning.

It reminded me that I AM THE MOUNTAIN.

I AM THE MOUNTAIN.

I am forever changing and evolving.

I am forever overcoming the challenges that life throws at me.

I am forever accomplishing the goals that I have and the dreams that I have not yet achieved.

There is beauty in chaos.

There is beauty that is within me.

There is beauty that surrounds me.

TURNING THIS VERSION INTO MY NEXT CHAPTER

There is a fire inside of me that burns slowly. Sometimes the flame flickers with barely any way to stay lit but it manages. That fire is now burning stronger, refueling me in ways that I knew were coming and have been waiting for for months.

My next chapter starts now.

Embracing every piece of my life and finding a way for it all to fit together.

There were moments in the last few months when I just wanted to walk away.

Stop blogging.

Stop coaching.

Stop creating content.

Stop working with clients.

This is part of my truth and part of my story. However, every time I gave that little voice a bit more space than I should have, my heart was telling me no. It wasn’t time because there is a piece of me that isn’t done doing what I need to do.

People need me to blog.

People need me to coach.

People need me to create content.

People need me to work with clients.

I need me to do all of the above. At the end of the day, that is all that matters.

So this chapter in my life is called Forward.

How do I move forward in my life when everything feels like it is moving in fast forward?

STEPS TO WRITE THIS NEXT CHAPTER MY WAY

Here are the steps that I am going to take so that I can make this chapter in my life go smoothly and help me reach all of my goals.

Plan out my week

I need to get back to planning out my week and sticking with it. I feel guilty when I work at my full-time job and then work evenings in my business. No more! This is my life. This is what I want to do. Both my full-time job and my business bring me so much joy and so I need to plan.

Hint…

My new product that will be released on September 15 is going to help with this!

Fall in love with what my body can do

I have come a long way in loving my body. There is more work that needs to be done and for this next chapter, that means making myself a priority. I am going to find ways to bring self-care into my life.

I am going to start swimming more.

I am going to start doing yoga more.

It is time for me to take care of myself because I haven’t been doing that. I have been putting myself on the back burner and if this chapter is really all about moving forward, this is the step that will help me with that.

Set boundaries with my family

I want to take care of people. I love my home life. I love taking care of those around me. It is in my nature and it is how I have always been. I realize that I need help and the help that I need can come from those that surround me.

I am not required to do it all. (Scary thought!!) Jody even suggested to me the other day to make a list of things that I am doing that makes me feel overwhelmed. Here is what I have so far.

  • Laundry. The never-ending madness that is called laundry.

  • Making myself lunch. Seems ridiculous but honestly, I struggle hard with this one.

  • Making dinner every single night. I love being in the kitchen but when it becomes a chore, I know that I need help.

  • Making sure the kids do their nightly routine.

Do you have a list of things that make you feel overwhelmed? Love this idea that Jody shared with me!

As I figure out this chapter, I hope you will be along for the ride. It is time to move FORWARD and connect all the pieces of my life in ways that they haven’t been connected yet. Do you have a next chapter in your life that you are ready to start and write?



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Mohamed Elarby

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