They got candid about their experiences, which unfortunately turned out to be very damaging and intense.
So, here are some people who deserved so much better than their narcissistic partners:
Warning: Some stories include topics of emotional abuse, domestic abuse, and sexual assault. Please proceed with caution.
1. “[It’s] exhausting. I dated a guy for two years who was a narcissist. He could do anything he wanted, but if I was to do the same, I would be committing a major infraction. He would constantly go out with his coworkers (sometimes with just one of his female coworkers), would not invite me, and come home drunk out of his mind. But if I went to brunch or shopping with a girlfriend, he would ask why he wasn’t invited. He insisted I buy him things he needed because he didn’t like to spend money, even though he worked in the city as a CPA, and I was struggling to make ends meet in grad school working three part-time jobs and juggling unpaid internships. There was constant gaslighting, withholding of affection, and unrealistic expectations of me. He also had a horrible temper, and whenever I would try to address a concern with him, it resulted in a screaming match or him punching a wall. It was awful.”
2. “They gaslit me, and yet they claimed I was the one gaslighting them. There’s nothing you can say to refute that. Even if you truthfully say, ‘I didn’t gaslight you,’ it still sounds like you did. There’s just no winning. They would accuse me of taking a friend’s side in an argument when I didn’t even know the two of them had had a disagreement. Weeks after a night out, they’d claim I’d ruined it by being in a bad mood, but the truth was I’d actually had a really good time that night. There was no sense in explaining my point of view because they would never listen. It was just ridiculous and maddening.”
3. “Looking back, it started with inserting himself into every friendship I had with my friends and even family members. He needed to be everywhere and the center of everyone’s admiration. Then the controlling started — who I could see and talk to, and he needed to know what the subject was. And all at the same time, I was getting ‘stupid,’ ‘ugly,’ and ‘useless’ (his words). He knew that because I was sexually assaulted as a child, he’d pin me in a corner, and I’d end up a sobbing mess. He used to do that a lot. I felt stupid, ‘crazy,’ unlovable, ugly, and always guilty of everything.”
“Getting out was a fluke — he bluffed me. It was just another dominance act. He said to get my stuff and get out, and that was the ringing in my head — I ran.
It took me two years to not be afraid of the world, though — since going to therapy and taking meds, I’m better now.”
4. “He was charming at first — he took me out to dinner and offered to pay for everything. He started sleeping in my house (I was renting a room because I was working away), and rapidly convinced me that we NEEDED to get an apartment together because it JUST MADE sense financially. We’d been together for a month at this point, and I budged. As soon as we moved in together, things just crumbled. I couldn’t do anything without him looking over my shoulder. He criticized me if I didn’t clean, cook, or take care of the clothes. I couldn’t have relationships at work (we worked together) because ‘those girls have nothing in their heads’ and ‘those boys only want to talk to you because you’re trying to charm them, and they know.’ It was absolutely false. I lost all my relationships with friends from home and was ‘only allowed’ to talk to my parents because they were my parents.”
“My mental health was so bad at this point that I believed everything he told me, that all of this was my fault, that I was a bad girlfriend and a bad friend, and that was why all my friends stopped caring about me. I cried myself to sleep so many times, lost all my self-worth and self-love. It took me almost four years to leave this relationship, and it was a ‘heat of the moment’ decision.
He was spending the weekend away with his new mistress (but insisted this wasn’t true). I called my dad and asked if I could go back home, loaded my car with as much as I could, and never looked back.
I know that he has a kid now with said mistress, and I just feel sorry for them. He was a psychological abuser, and the most manipulative, egotistical person that I ever met. It’s been two years since I walked out, and now I can truly say that I’m happy — I got my self-love back.”
5. “I was with a narcissist for four years and only escaped five months ago. I wasn’t allowed to eat unless my ex was in the room with me and could see me clear my plate. I had to ask permission to go to bed and was purposely deprived of sleep. Sex was only on their terms and rarely reciprocated. They even told me they weren’t physically attracted to me, which really stung, because why be with me then?”
“Things got really bad after I escaped. My ex filed a false police report against me with the sole intent of costing me my job (they were OBSESSED with this because I earned more than them).
They lamented on social media about how ‘devastated’ they were that I’d left, but three weeks later, slept with another man, and they’re still dating now. The worst part was they threatened to hire a legit hit man to kill me. So I moved to a new city, and the police did NOTHING to help me.
In therapy I realized how the whole thing had been built on lies — my ex never really loved me, and I was nothing more than an emotional punching bag. Nothing was ever good enough, everything was always my fault, and I felt so scared and confused literally all the time.”
6. “The gaslighting makes me you feel like you are going ‘crazy,’ and you start to doubt yourself. Also, the subtle belittling that starts to become worse over time — you end up agreeing with them all the time just so there won’t be a row. Five years of bullshit — thank god I got away. He also tried to turn my friends against me after we broke up. He probably still blames me for everything. It honestly took me so long to put myself back together emotionally and mentally.”
7. “It’s the proverbial ‘walking on eggshells’ situation. I dated this guy for over a year. He did the stereotypical love bombing and immediately asked me to move in. He was in his 30s, and I was in my early 20s, so I was naïve to the red flags. When my grandma died and I was at her funeral, he kept texting me to come home because ‘I didn’t seem that sad.’ I was devastated, and he got angry when I stayed.”
“He went to a bachelor party once and kept calling me the entire time to see what I was doing. Finally, he exploded when I went to Walmart and missed his call — he spent the next three hours calling, trying to get me to pick up so he could yell at me.
He had a ‘real knack’ for cyclical arguments that were meaningless and went nowhere, but he’d twist things around and say that I said things that I didn’t (or things he actually said). Narcissists are mentally sticky — they know how to twist words and gaslight until they’re ‘obviously right’ and ‘you’re the crazy one.’ Reality gets twisted.”
8. “It was like trying to hug a man who was on fire. He’d tell me I had a bad memory when he’d be cruel, then tell me I did things to HIM that he did to ME. I’d try talking about feeling undervalued or unloved. He’d tell me I ‘wronged him’ or ‘betrayed his trust’ by trying to talk about something heavy while he was ‘stressed.’ Then I couldn’t talk about my feelings because I needed to ‘earn back his trust first.’ He would ghost me when I told him I needed his support for something big and told me to lean on my friends because it’s ‘uncomfortable for him to be around them’ because they clearly disliked him. He demanded to go through my phone because he was mad I was building a close friendship with one of HIS female friends that HE encouraged me to pursue.”
“When I would start to pull away and seem like I was ready to move on, he’d pull out all the stops to show me he ‘still wanted me.’ I felt like a yo-yo. He promised to change or improve our relationship together if only I’d do X. Then I’d do X, and suddenly, I did something wrong just before he was ready to do the work — now I needed to do Y.
It was a fear and anxiety rollercoaster of high highs and low lows. I was constantly on the edge, confused, unsure of myself, feeling like a failure, hated who I was, unable to ‘control’ my emotions, struggled with sleep, eating…it was like trying to love the empty abyss of space.”
9. “The dealbreaker was a real wakeup call. I had confided in her early on about being sexually assaulted when I was young. I hadn’t really told anyone but her, and thought it went without saying that it was private. After experiencing months of being emotionally manipulated, I found out that she had told all of her friends, coworkers, and hell, even the girl I dated after her. When I confronted her, she said, ‘You really need to get used to people knowing things about you.’ As if my trauma should just be general knowledge?”
10. “My ex-husband made me feel like I was mentally ill. Whenever we fought and he’d break something in a rage, he’d say it was all my fault because I was so broken. More than once, I’d be home sick from work, and he’d complain that the house was dirty or I hadn’t done laundry or whatever, and whine until I got up out of bed to do the thing. He never lifted a finger to help me. Getting away from him was the best thing I ever did, and also the hardest because I didn’t trust myself that he was so awful to me and that I had the right to leave. I now have a wonderful partner who is so kind and gentle with me, and never gaslights me.”
11. “It was so much about him changing me into someone he would like. He was very into rockabilly and would put a little worm in my ear by saying things like, ‘You’d look so hot in a halter dress and red nails’ and ‘Why don’t you pomp your hair and curl the ends? That would drive me wild.’ So what does any 18-year-old wanting to keep her boyfriend around do? She does those things — and I wasn’t happy, but HE WAS. He was more likely to show me off, introduce me, and be happier when I dressed this way. But sweats or jeans and a punk T-shirt? Oh, he would sulk. It got to the point where he would cancel whatever and we’d stay at his place or mine. He thought I was ugly like that, and he started to vocalize it. We broke up for other reasons, but I vowed to NEVER do that for a man again. He did apologize for it 10 years later, so that was nice I guess…”
12. “I had serious depression, and he told me every day how boring and selfish I was. When I got better (and had more confidence), I would try and meet up with friends — but he always turned up. This was 20 years ago, so pre-smartphone trackers. Everything I said, did, and wore was wrong, and if I even joked about something he made a mistake about, I would be on the end of his anger. When he saw his manipulation was losing its power, he started threatening my family. I was 19 and felt like I was trapped for life. It was hell getting out, but the best thing I did.”
13. “My ex broke up with me after a year and a half of dating, then came back two weeks later to convince me to get back together. When I told him that I was hooking up with a guy I met on Tinder since the breakup, he was devastated that I had ‘moved on so quickly.’ He threw a fit, but still wanted to get back together. I mistakenly took him back, and he then proceeded to isolate me from my friends and family through the remainder of the relationship. He wouldn’t leave my apartment, had flunked out of the local community college, and had no job. I went back to therapy in 2017 and gained the clarity I needed to dump him. One day I asked him, ‘Where do you see yourself in five years?’ His response? ‘Being with you.’ I told him he needed bigger aspirations.”
14. “It was incredibly demeaning and traumatizing. It starts with ✨ perfection ✨ — he made me feel like a high-valued goddess. The whole sweep you off your feet, magical fairytale, ‘it’s just like in a movie’ romance. I now know that since movies aren’t real, THAT is not real. It became a slow, twisted game. Little things to start breaking my identity — this happened over YEARS! At the end, I was victim to physical abuse, walking on eggshells to avoid the physical abuse and financial abuse. He turned me against some family members because they didn’t like him. I had no sense of self or a support network, and I was convinced it was all my fault. I’m severely codependent, and the narcissist will specifically pick a codependent person to destroy. 💔”
15. And: “The worst part is that you start to feel ‘crazy.’ You know that you’re not a bad person, and that you try to be a good partner — but being with a narcissist, everything is your fault. Everything ‘wrong with you,’ the relationship, them, your home, YOUR job, THEIR job, is your fault. By the end of the relationship, my ex hadn’t worked in three months, had multiple health issues they REFUSED to get treatment for, and would snap and become belligerent at the slightest provocation. But everything was my fault due to my ‘shortcomings.’ Even worse, they would use therapy terms and mental health buzz-words in every manipulation. I ‘wouldn’t take responsibility for my actions’ — there were so many ways of twisting things around. You hear these things enough that you start to believe them, so you feel terrible about yourself.”
“In my case, the reality was that I was being used, and was nothing but a way to keep him fed with a roof over his head while being told that he loved me despite all ‘my faults.’ Apparently, my faults were I needed him to work and be responsible for his own actions.”
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
