Look, I’m not married. But I’d always thought that if I was, I’d want to spend most (if not all) of my vacations with my spouse.
At least, that was until I stumbled across this post in the “Am I The Asshole” subreddit, where a woman flew off to enjoy her holiday without her spouse. Here’s the full story:
FYI, r/AmItheAsshole is an online channel in Reddit where people ask others to tell them whether or not they’re being an asshole in a situation.
“My husband and I planned a week-long vacation to New Orleans. We (but mostly I) have been planning this for months.”
“Back in March, I told him I would plan most of it — like where to go and what to do. All he had to do was make sure he had the week off and buy the plane tickets. I spent the last few months researching activities. I booked the hotel room, made reservations at places we wanted to try, and made a list of all the sights I wanted to see.”
“Every few weeks, I would check in with my husband to see if he had asked for time off and bought the tickets yet. He would always say he was waiting for the plane ticket prices to go down. Three weeks ago, I reminded him again, and he said he had gotten time off work for the days but had forgotten to get the tickets. He looked online, and the tickets were close to $1,500 per ticket. He said he was going to wait some more to see if they would go down.”
“Last week, I asked if he had bought the tickets yet, and he said no. We looked again, and the prices were still high. He said he wasn’t willing to spend that much on them and asked how much money I would lose if I just cancelled everything. He offered to have a nice staycation instead.”
“I told him I was not willing to cancel everything, because I spent so much time planning it. We argued and didn’t come to a conclusion. I wound up buying just one ticket for myself and when I flew out Saturday, I told him I was still going. He acted all surprised that I didn’t want to stay home with him.”
“I am in New Orleans now and he is blowing up my phone saying that I am an asshole for still going without him. He was trying to get a ticket to come too but I told him if he came, he’d have to get his own hotel room, because this is now my vacation away from him. AITA?”
Naturally, people had a lot of thoughts.
If you’re not familiar with the lingo, people sometimes vote with the following abbreviations: YTA (you’re the A-hole), NTA (not the A-hole), ESH (everyone sucks here), or NAH (no A-hole here).
Most people said that the original poster (OP) was not an A-hole.
“NTA. I don’t know what your husband’s deal is, but he acted like a real asshole. I don’t know if he deliberately sabotaged the trip or just didn’t care enough to follow through on his tiny piece of things, but you were absolutely right to not let him ruin the trip for you, and he sure as hell shouldn’t be booking an expensive plane ticket to come join you now. I hope he’ll be ready with a massive apology when you get home.”
“IDK WTF is up with this line of thinking [waiting for the ticket prices to drop]. In my experience, the closer the flight is the more expensive the tickets are. For the cheapest tickets you really need to book as far out as you can. Waiting until the last minute is just asking to pay a massive premium…”
“He absolutely did not want to go and blames it on you for not cancelling. He’s the A-hole. Go have fun OP. Make the best out of your trip!”
But some thought everybody sucked in this situation:
“I’m leaning towards ESH. It sounds like you wanted to take an extremely expensive vacation and he was uncomfortable with the costs but didn’t communicate that with you (though I imagine he did since he wasn’t willing to spend a ridiculously high price for plane tickets).
You’re NTA for going on the vacation alone, but that doesn’t protect you from the very real consequences of that. Your husband will feel as abandoned as you feel ignored, and you might be coming home to a marriage that is very different from how you left it. You can’t just ditch your partner for a week and expect everything to be peachy keen when you get back.”
“You probably should’ve spent the money on divorce lawyers instead, because this is where it’s headed. Do you guys even like each other? Lol. You’re both acting pretty childish and immature, despite being married. This marriage is on its way out if you’re not already planning a divorce.”
And some thought OP was the A-hole:
“YTA. I’m going to get downvoted for saying it, but there it is. Do you really think you will still have a relationship when you get back? Most of the people on here will downvote this because they will say something like ‘you go, queen’ or ‘good on you, girl’ or that was a ‘boss move’.
These people have no skin in the game and could care less if you ruin your life listening to their selfish advice. I get being upset that he didn’t grab a ticket when he should have, but telling him that if he comes, he needs to book his own hotel is a bit overboard. Unless this is an older relationship, I just don’t see it recovering from this. I sure wouldn’t stay if it was me.”
Personally, I don’t think she did anything wrong — in fact, she’s been a lot more patient than I would have been. I do think she should probably seek some couples counseling if she wants to stay with her husband (which isn’t a given), but in the meantime, this course of action makes sense to me.
But what do you think? Take this poll and/or let us know in the comments below!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
