7.
“We met on a dating app. Our relationship was very intense, moved fast, and had love bombing in the beginning. I was like wow, how is this attractive, sweet guy still single? There were multiple red flags. The first I noticed was alcohol and drug abuse. It would make him act erratic. Whenever we had a major disagreement, he would resort to threatening to kill himself and would corner me so I wouldn’t be able to leave him. I blamed this on the substance issues, so I stayed because he promised to quit. Second, I noticed how irresponsible he was about paying his bills. I had good credit, so I co-signed a couple of his bills and would get emails that he was late. Getting him to pay was like pulling teeth. It was so stressful.”
“I realized that his parents were happy about our engagement because then he would have someone to look after him — like a caretaker, not a partner or equal. I was emotionally checked out. I was so turned off by him, that I would instinctively push his touch away. I would only be able to have sex with him if I had alcohol. Even then, I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Then, I started to be a binge drinker, too. I was very fit when we met. He was extremely jealous. I couldn’t work out without him because then he would get insecure. When I invited him on a run, he faked asthma attacks. I invited him to the gym, and he would get mad because ‘everyone is staring at him.’ My health was something I used to be so passionate about, and I ended up gaining 20 pounds with him.
I started not wearing my engagement ring because I felt so fake. I kept ‘forgetting it at home.’ We started not planning a wedding due to ‘saving up.’ Even he started catching on at this point. He initiated the breakup, and I gladly agreed. I guess he was expecting me to fight for us so he threw a tantrum. The breakup was so dramatic. He started sending me harassing messages and stalking me. All of this was over and done within two years. I’m too weary to date now. I’m happy and peaceful in my solitude. I don’t care if I meet anyone again. I have trauma and don’t trust my judgment anymore.”
—31, California
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