12.
“I told people I got hit by a car but I actually ran myself over.”
“I was out to dinner with my friends when I realised I had to get something from my car. I’d already been drinking as we’d gone to a winery. I got in the car and couldn’t find what I was looking for.
The car park has no lights so I decided to turn my car on and back up a little then use the headlights to find it (my phone was inside and I was drunk). I put the car in park (found out very quickly I actually left it in neutral) and then got on the ground. The car started rolling back and I got up to chase after it. I got around the door and managed to put one foot in, I was trying to stomp on the brake when I somehow tumbled out of the car and ended up underneath it. My 2900-pound SUV rolled over the back of my left leg. I was so drunk I hadn’t even processed what just happened and I got back up to keep chasing after it. It slowly backed into another vehicle and finally stopped.
Nobody was outside or saw me. I drove to a different parking spot, went inside, and told my friends we needed to get the cheque. They said I looked dishevelled and asked me what happened. I said someone hit me with their car and they demanded security footage and to ‘find out who did this to you!’. Luckily there is none and they don’t know that I’m both the victim and the main suspect in my own hit and run.
Before you ask, yes, the next day I went to the A&E to get checked out. No broken bones but I did get a bad muscle injury so the doctor monitored my CPK levels (which were double what they should be) and he also thinks I should press charges on whoever ran me over.”
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