“That it’s normal for women to have high sex drives, too, and that we have just as much a right as men to act on it.”
“My school’s program was so focused on making sure girls didn’t get pressured into sex that it kind of made it seem like women never want sex and only do it for male attention. Great intentions but accidentally stigmatizing.”
“I would have liked to be told that sex is also for the girls and not just for guys. I spent my entire late teens/early 20s having sex that made me feel horrible and shameful afterwards because the sex was always centered around them and their pleasure. I used to think I just didn’t like sex and thought I had a low libido because I never wanted to do it and had an aversion to it. It wasn’t until now, at 26 years old with my current partner, that I’ve actually enjoyed sex. He’s so focused on me during the entire thing, he changes things up, he listens to me, he makes it the main point for me to orgasm, he talks to me, and asks me questions about what I like and what I want, and then he does it! It’s all so bare minimum, but it’s like a whole new world. I feel like I’m his partner and we’re mutually trying to make each other have a wonderful experience every time we have sex, which is the way it should be but is not the experience I have had up until this point. Now I feel like I have the highest sex drive imaginable because I don’t feel used by him; I feel respected and loved and like an equal.
I didn’t realize it until recently, but I grew up always viewing sex as being a really shameful thing for women and something that you only did to get pregnant or to please a man, and that if you got pleasure out of it, you were bad for it. I realize how fucked up that is now, but all of the sex education I got growing up seemed to reinforce that idea, and it made it really scary for me to speak up and say no in a lot of sexual situations with men, which then just reinforced all the negative feelings I had about sex and made me feel even ickier after. And my mom never would engage in conversations about sex with me and would actively make me feel bad for even asking questions which just made me feel even more shame for being curious. I’m very lucky to have found someone who helped me realize how great sex can be for me without any shame or anything attached. And I’m proud of myself for taking the time to heal and work on changing my perceptions around female sexuality. But I wish I had been given more empowerment with sex when I was younger so I could have been spared years of having such a terrible, shameful relationship with my own sexuality.”
“Yeah, really a focus on women’s agency around sex. Not just consent, etc., but that women enjoy sex, can and should seek out pleasure, that sexual relationships should be fulfilling for both partners, that women should vocalize to their partner what they like or want, and the partner should try and continue trying to achieve that until she’s satisfied.
And for the love of God, that most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone!!! I hate, hate, hate this one — so many sex scenes in the ’90s and beyond with both partners orgasming at the same time with just the guy pounding away.”