First, take some time to reflect on one of your best sexual experiences. Think about what you felt before, during and after. This will help you tap into what Moali calls your “core erotic emotions.”
“For many, consistent themes make sex memorable and exciting. For some, this could be the thrill of being desired, for others, a sense of shame, and for others still, it’s about power exchange,” she explained.
“Identifying your core desire is akin to discovering the genre of the novel you’re writing. As an author, you can enrich this experience by incorporating elements that heighten the specific emotions you wish to explore.”
This exercise will help you zero in on the sexual narratives and types of outercourse that might be most fulfilling to you.
Exploring outercourse can also be an opportunity to start a dialogue with your partner (or partners) about your fantasies, what you enjoy in bed, and any personal boundaries around things you’re not comfortable with, too, Siegel said.
“Talking about experiencing and understanding different types of touch can contribute greatly to experiencing better intercourse,” he said.
Treat this exploration as a way to expand your sexual horizons, Siegel said. Slow things down so you can focus on intimate acts like kissing, cuddling and touching each other’s bodies in different and intentional ways.
“Use massage and genital rubbing through the clothes; try slipping up from behind while they’re brushing their teeth or doing dishes, or other ‘safe’ times when they don’t expect it,” he said.
“Incorporate mutual masturbation into your sex play, both with and without sex toys. Even simulated intercourse, like sliding a penis between a partner’s thighs, breasts or butt. This can be a wonderful entree into experimenting with more ways to pleasure yourselves and each other.”
Try to get out of your head and put aside preconceived notions about what sex “should” be so you can discover what feels fun and pleasurable for you and your partner.
“It might be awkward at first to remain clothed when connecting to sexual pleasure, especially if you’re used to being naked and ‘going all the way,’” Howard said. “But don’t be afraid to try something new. My suggestion is to start fully clothed and remove clothing as desired, but not removing any bras or underwear.”
Outercourse can be utilized in a number of different ways for a number of different reasons tailored to your needs and desires as an individual or couple.
“Outercourse can be used as a tease, taunting your lover with an everything-but approach that plays with the charge of withholding penetration,” Maxwell Rose said. “Or it can be a strategy, a way of finding deeply satisfying sexual connection when penetration is off the menu. One of our most popular podcast episodes is about playing without penetration because so many people are looking to find new ways to satisfy one another beyond traditional intercourse.”
This article originally appeared on HuffPost.
Source link
