I recently did two posts on the “best jokes people have heard,” and the comments were absolutely FLOODED with more jokes. So, without further ado, here’s even MORE jokes that had me laughing:
SNL / Nickeldeon / BuzzFeed
1. “What do you call a caveman’s fart? A blast from the past.”
NBC
2. “I was having a bad day, and my friend said, ‘At least you’re not stuck in a hole in the ground full of water.’ I knew he meant well.”
3. “A guy walks into a doctor’s office, butt ass naked, but wrapped head-to-toe in cellophane. They doctor takes one look at the guy and says, ‘Well…I can clearly see your nuts.'”
Universa Pictures
4. “My kid’s favorite was always, ‘Why couldn’t the lifeguard rescue the hippie?’ ‘Because he was too far out, man.'”
5. “The chicken and the egg are in bed. The chicken rolls over and lights a cigarette, and the egg says, ‘Well, I guess that answers *that* question.'”
MTV
6. “Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.”
7. “Who was Lorraine and why did Adele set fire to her?”
CBS
8. “Why don’t anteaters ever get sick? Because they are full of little anty-bodies.”
9. “A tire theft is at large and the police are working tirelessly to catch him.”
NBC
10. “A man went to see his doctor and the doctor said to him, ‘I have some bad news and some worse news for you.’ So the man asks, ‘OK, so what’s the bad news?’ The doctor says, ‘You only have 24 hours to live.’ The man, obviously shocked by this, says, ‘Oh my god, that’s terrible!’ Then he says, ‘Wait a minute — what’s the worse news?’ Doctor: ‘I should have told you yesterday.'”
11. “Two men are standing by the roadside when a tractor drives past. The driver is ranting and shouting, ‘The end of the world is nigh!’ One guy says, ‘Oh no, we’re all gonna die, what shall we do?’ His friend replies, ‘Don’t worry about him, that’s just Farmer Geddon!'”
ABC
12. “How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change.”
BuzzFeed
13. “A photon went to check in at a hotel and the reception asked, ‘Do you need a bellhop to take your bags to your room?’ The photon replied, ‘No thanks, I’m traveling LIGHT today.'”
14. “Q: How do ghosts go through locked doors? A: With a skeleton key!”
NBA
15. “What did the zero say to the eight? ‘Nice belt.'”
16. “Sherlock Holmes and Watson go out camping. They find a nice spot with an opening in the trees and pitch their tent, head in, and go to sleep. Late in the night Sherlock wakes Watson and says, ‘Watson, look at the sky, what do you see?’ Watson replies, ‘Well judging by the location of the constellations, I’d say it’s around midnight.’ Sherlock chuckles and says, ‘Elementary, my dear Watson, someone has stolen our tent.'”
And finally…
17. “Ever hear about the dried-up grape on the soap box? He’s raisin awareness.”
Searchlight Pictures
Now, it’s your turn! Let’s keep this joke train chugging! What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard? Comment below!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
