Yes, I hope we get to a time where people just allow each other to change and evolve. Stop expecting us to be one thing. That message also goes to people in our community as well. You’re not limited to what people say you’re supposed to be or do.
Right, there’s no right code that’s being broken. It sucks, because sometimes what I think it does is it kicks people out of the community, by making people feel like they have to conform. That’s just not what I’m about. I want everybody to feel welcome. I want us to have the same ideals about humanity.
Speaking of representation, growing up, was there a character on TV or film that made you feel seen?
As far as how they physically presented themselves to the world, I would say Aaliyah. I loved her tomboy era — loved the boxers hanging out with the open shirt and the crop top. She ate it up. I loved it! Left Eye — God bless them both — loved her style, too. These weren’t characters on TV, but I love how my brother dressed, as well as my aunt. My aunt was really pivotal in my identity also — a straight, cis-het Black Jamaican woman, 4’11” tiny officer in the military, very strong…she introduced me to Erykah Badu. There’s this combination of people and things that I’ve seen that made different parts of me feel seen. They opened my eyes to what could be.
When it comes to characters, Queen Latifah in Set It Off. I was like, “Oh, wait a minute.” She’s Gotta Have It had me in a chokehold. I would sneak and watch that movie. I remember we got a late fee, because I rented that movie. I don’t even know how I found out about it. I don’t know how it came across my radar, but it did. I remember we rented it, or I rented it, and we got so many late fees, because I couldn’t give it up. My mom was like, “What the hell! What are you watching? Why do you like it so much?” Spike Lee was amazing. I thought the film was Earth-shattering.
What queer tropes are you tired of seeing on-screen? And what things would you like to see more of when it comes to queer stories?
I’m tired of seeing heteronormativity in our relationships, there’s a traditional boy and there’s a girl in the relationship. It exists, but I don’t need to see any more of it. If that’s your setup, great. Love that for you. I want to see other examples. Mainly for the youth, for the people coming up, I think they need other examples of how they can exist also. I want to see more nonbinary action between people — nonbinary on all sides of the gender spectrum. I want to see relationships. Under the guise of heteronormativity, I’d love to see transness enter the picture, but in a way that keeps them safe. I would love to see more men talking about their admiration for women across the board, be it an AFAB (assigned female at birth) woman or not, just women. I would love to see more men courageously just be like, “I find her attractive. I like her.”
I’d like to see the consumer stop being so nosy, because it’s not curiosity, it’s people being nosy about other people’s reproductive organs. It’s their own business, and they don’t have to explain that to you. Curiosity is different. A lot of people are just nosy and entitled. I’d like to see more educational stuff on asexuality in the mainstream and have resources be readily available for people. I’d also like more highlights on the nuances of existence, so they don’t have to be so nuanced anymore. I think we conflate nuance with normalcy. Let’s just highlight how they can coexist. Let’s shine a light on how other people are living so we have more knowledge about humanity and spaces that we can fit in. I’d just like to see more diversity in how people live.
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