We’ve all been there: A long-simmering relationship issue bubbles to the surface. In the heat of the moment, we say things we don’t mean. Other times, we’re too scared or too proud to clearly communicate our needs.
After a breakup or divorce — and with the benefit of hindsight ― it’s easier to see where things went wrong and how issues could have been handled differently.
We first asked divorced men to share what they would have done differently in their marriages (you can read their responses here) and then asked divorced women to do the same. Here’s what the women told us:
I wish I would have asked for help when I needed it.
“I have one single regret from my marriage, and that was not speaking up when I felt overwhelmed and needed help. We were newlyweds, and I had just given birth to our daughter. Becoming a new wife and mom, I let societal expectations and pressure completely screw with my head. I thought I had to be this super mom and wife, perfect in every way. To me, this meant doing all the child-rearing, housework and cooking while attempting to look like I just stepped off a Victoria’s Secret runway.
I put impossible daily tasks on myself and got burnt out fast. I ended our marriage because it seemed like the only way out of the stressful life I had created. I was so bitter and angry towards a person who just could not understand why. Looking back, all I had to do was say the words to my ex-husband, ‘I need help.’ I know now that if I had communicated my feelings, we might have had a better chance at marital life.” ― blogger Valencia Morton of Millionairess Mama
I wish I had worked on myself more before I got married.
“I wish that I’d had a better sense of my own identity and self-worth, and that I’d been wiser to first confront loneliness before joining a partnership. That I’d waited longer before marriage in order to enter it from a place of strength and abundance rather than fear and loss. That I’d understood that the person we might choose in our 20s and 30s to have a family with might be very different than the person we might choose in the middle of life, the man or the woman to grow old with.” ― writer Holly Martyn
I wish I had the courage to end things sooner.
“My regret is that I allowed a bad situation to go on too long. My husband’s expectations for our relationship and our life together shifted not long after we got married, and we fought about it a lot. In hindsight, I wish I’d had the courage and self-awareness to confront the issue itself. Instead of standing in my power, I avoided the ugly truths of our existence together and allowed the relationship to languish while we both suffered.” ― divorce coach Tara Eisenhard
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