So to recap: Using the third person in your internal dialogue, to hype yourself up? That’s good. But using illeism out loud and around other people? Unless you’re building a brand, that’s a little weird ― and even then, it’s probably best to use it sparingly.
Britt Frank, a psychotherapist and author of The Science of Stuck, believes internal third-person is one of the most powerful mechanisms for improving mood and reducing anxiety out there.
“While admittedly it can feel strange to speak in third person at first, there is a level of healthy detachment during third-person self-talk that allows us to be present with our feelings rather than being flooded by them,” she said.
Most of us speak with more kindness to the people we care about than we do to ourselves, Frank said. Third-person self-talk is a way to direct some of that compassion and tenderness inward for once.
There’s some negative potential to the habit, though. Some people use third-person self-talk to distance themselves from problematic behavior. (One pop culture example? On the Bravo reality show Vanderpump Rules, Katie Maloney’s deeply unpleasant drunk alter ego is “Tequila Katie.”)
“When third-person self-talk is used to distance someone from their behavior like that, it’s indicative of an internal attachment disruption, so you have to be mindful of that,” Frank said.
Generally, though, third-person self-talk is one of the most underutilized tools in the self-help world.
“It’s free, it doesn’t take a lot of time, and with a bit of practice, it’s a powerful way to be with your experiences instead of feeling overwhelmed by them,” she said.
This post originally appeared on HuffPost.
