If you recognize any of the behaviors above in your parents or caretakers, take a deep breath. According to Sagaram, the most important thing is recognizing this fact — it will help you feel less alone.
“There’s a name for this type of parent, which means you’re clearly not alone in that, and I think that itself can feel really validating,” said Sagaram.
You should also give yourself credit for simply being able to notice this: It isn’t easy to admit that your parents have faults.
“I think it’s hard because sometimes people have a hard time admitting that maybe their parents didn’t do what they needed when they were a child,” said Chaiken. “But, I think both things can be true: Your parents did the best they could and, at the same time, they were also unable to give you what you needed as a child because they weren’t given what they needed as a child.”
Chaiken said re-parenting is a huge part of healing; to do this, take notice of the things that you needed in your childhood but did not receive. This could be emotional support, an opportunity to voice your opinions or unconditional love. As you re-parent yourself, you can give these things to yourself.
Additionally, social support is important, Chaiken said. “We don’t choose our parents, and you get the choice as an adult to build a family in your life of people who are able to give you support and the support that you really need,” she added.
“I think that that’s a really important thing, to find people in your life who you feel like can give you that support,” she said.
When it comes to your parents, Chaiken noted that it’s important to set clear and healthy boundaries around what you will and won’t accept from them.
If you think you are an emotionally immature parent, there are things you can do to break the cycle.
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